Day 776: Battles with Myself

There are good days, bad days, and worse days. Day 776, March 5, Tuesday was one of the worse ones. Monday had been great but I didn’t run on Monday because it was a rest day. Monday was great in terms of weather: snow free roads are a bliss! It started snowing Monday evening. By Tuesday morning, the snow was deep and the wind harsh. I had a speed workout planned (15x2min). Seemed impossible to do it outside. Too much snow. Too windy. Too wrong everything. So, I dug out the car from a mound of snow and drove to the indoor arena. I almost got stuck in snow just behind our office building. “Great,” I thought, “my journey to the indoor arena ends in less than 100 metres…” Somehow, I managed to get moving. Somehow, I reached the arena.

Due to PMS (mood swings, irritability, fatigue, etc.), even the warm-up run was hard. But then the worst part started. To those who don’t know how running workouts are usually designed, notice this: a speed workout or interval training always starts with a warm-up jog of 3 km (depending on the speed, around 16-17 minutes), then there might be some dynamic stretches and a few running drills (usually, I don’t do it outside), then the hard part follows, intercepted by easier bits (15x2min actually translates into: 2 minutes hard + 2 minutes jogging, repeat 15 times, total: 60 min), finished off with a cool-down jog, typically 2 km (11-12 minutes). This training, then, meant about 1.5 hours at the arena. A long time. Long enough to have all kinds of thoughts and obstacles.

I kept having battles with myself. At that time of the day (noon-2pm), I was basically the only runner there. The place is quite empty during the day. It was just me and the track. Me and the 200-metre lap. Me and my too long (I usually wear shorts indoors) leggings (I didn’t have indoor stuff with me at work, wasn’t prepared), me and my stretched out old top (again, I had packed outdoor stuff and had to use the one shirt I had at work), me and my suffering. It was hard from the first interval. And after that, I had 14 to go. 2 minutes of hard work done, 28 to go. I told myself I would at least do 5 out of 15. I can sit down for 10 seconds after every 3 intervals. I will do 10. If I can’t do 2-minute spurts after 10, I could resort to 5x1min. OK, 1 more. Then another one. Maybe 2 more. Or maybe I can even do all 15. I did end up doing 15. It was a constant battle with myself. Talking to myself inside. I had to keep convincing myself, tricking the mind into doing just a little bit more, promising that the body only had to reach a certain point. Then let’s see what happens next. But I did all 15. The quality wasn’t as great as a week ago when I only had to do 13x2min. But still, I did it. I told myself that if I wasn’t fast, then the heart was doing the work nevertheless. The heart made the effort it had to make. I was also training my mind. Teaching it how not to give up, how to push forward.

The good things about battles with myself? No matter what happens, I always win. And it’s my decision if it’s going to be the better or worse part of me that wins.

Progress Report

1. Own and live in a house.

Spent most of the day inventing a proper development plan for our company and thinking about the future. We do need to act and do something if we want to reach somewhere and really start earning money.

2. Write AND publish a book.

As the Word document is almost always open on my laptop, I did proofread one paragraph of my novel. Just because I accidentally clicked on the document while doing other stuff. Continued reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat.Pray.Love. as well. The book is actually quite engaging and easy to read. And just like her, I also ended up in Bali. I can write this thing.

3. Win a major race.

Possibly the hardest day of the week in terms of running. 17.5 km at the indoor arena + 30 minutes in the evening (outside). The morning was hard due to PMS, the evening was already better. Did some strength exercises as well.

Photo of the Day

The snow did ruin my workout a bit but I can forgive if it looks so pretty. Will be going to Portugal soon anyway.

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