I am not sure that I know what a career is. I don’t feel I have developed much or climbed a ladder. I have been to several trainings and acquired a few academic degrees. Creative writing, gym trainer, literary studies, loads of stuff about nutrition (especially sports nutrition), Swedish massage, Thai massage, acro-yoga… Why do I need all this? Where is this going to take me? No idea. I don’t have a set career model to follow. I need to build my own. And this is the toughest thing ever.
Where would I like to go? How do I want to improve? I do know I want to be a writer. But what the hell does it mean? What does it mean to publish a book? Online? Self-publish? A book deal with a generous advance and a dedicated agent? Oh, I’d love to have the latter, definitely, but it seems to unattainable. Do I have it in me? I hate myself for doubting myself. If I’d believe more in myself, I would succeed sooner. People tell me I can write. They love the newsletters I produce for our company. They laugh at my weekly workout summaries. I am being praised for the non-fiction articles I write for one major website. But is this enough for a successful writing career? Am I enough? Or am I asking too much from myself? I am waiting for clarity to arrive. I try to think about my career, the one that I need to build myself. Maybe the mistake is that I am already picking out the roof tiles when there are holes in the foundation? I have no idea. Hopefully, the routine I created for myself will keep me writing and I will know at one point what I want to do with all that text I am currently producing. At least I AM WRITING. This is the most crucial thing.
1. Own and live in a house.
Kind of worked a bit on a translation. One of my job applications (yes, I am trying to find a real-real job) got rejected, got a bit frustrated after that. I just wanted to have a part-time job that would force me to be productive in my spare time. The less you have it, the better you manage it. Works for me.
Did some accounting and answered phone calls. Husband was still in Portugal after the race. So typical. When I am at work alone, everything becomes so alive, suddenly everyone is calling.
2. Write AND publish a book.
Wrote the very first article for my future blog which shall be about creative writing and book analyses. That website shall be my writer’s website. It doesn’t exist yet, but I am slowly writing some content for it. In my weekly schedule, I work on that blog/site on Mondays.
After having almost reached the end of James N. Frey’s How to Write a Damn Good Novel, I felt a surprising urge to return to my earlier work. To my goddamn completed novel. Yes, I do have one of those. My MA project at Bath Spa University, which I finished years later, in 2015. I had a period of loathing with this one. It is awful if you start analysing it in terms of dramatic storytelling rules. How could I have thought it was exciting? The first few scenes definitely are not! No wonder I got rejected by an agent. But… I read a few of the first pages and divided it into possible scenes. I WROTE the 1st scene in a dramatic way. Given the fact that I am the kind of person who HATES editing, this is a huge success. I worked on this bloody thing for a few hours. I will continue with it soon. There is something in that story, my story.
3. Win a major race.
Had an easy run planned but felt too awful in the morning to even wake up. A bit ill. Read in bed, then slept some more. This means that I got to town later than I had intended. I had almost put on my running clothes when I discovered that I had left my heart rate belt at home. Nor did I have a sports bra in that large clothes’ chest I do have in the office. Well then. Skipped the run or, rather, pushed it onto Friday which is marked as a ‘rest day’ in my training plan. Did go to a core conditioning class called Sixpack. 30 minutes but useful. I was in no hurry to rush home anyway as my husband is about to arrive, like Cinderella, right before midnight and I need to pick him up from the airport.