Day 890: Be or Become?

Since I was 9 years old or maybe even earlier – cannot remember exactly, but this was when I first started filling notebooks with stories and poems – I knew I wanted to become a writer. Oh, I have struggled with this! I swore to publish a book when I reach the age of 12. Then 15. Then 18. 20. 25. Whatever. I am 30 and haven’t published a single book. A few of my short stories or poems have won awards or ended up in collections. Yes, I have written things that reach to novel length, but they just rot away somewhere, hidden. More often I simply don’t get further than the idea or the first pages. I get carried away by something else. Sad. And then I am a bit envious of people who can write ‘full-time writer’ on their business card. I’d like to do it. And not in the ‘content-creating’ kind of way where I would labour my creative brain for other people’s pleasure. No. As a fiction writer + the writer of some odd travel books.

So, how do you become a writer? In fact, day 890, a Sunday, a long run day, brought me this idea that you don’t actually become a writer. When you write you are a writer, even if not published. You start being, not becoming, not waiting for a certain course to be completed or a book to be finished to be able to call yourself a writer. No, if you are serious about it, you start doing it. In the beginning, you might not be successful, but you push on. And on. And if this is the right thing, your real being, it will work out and the money will come. Of course, it is always reasonable to have someone else paying your bills at the meantime or having some sort of passive income that would cover your expenses. I am intending to do just that when I get back to Estonia. I will be a writer. I will dedicate the majority of my time to finishing and polishing my incomplete pieces and inventing new ones. I will also want to write about the creative writing process itself as well. This is what my MA dissertation will be about.

Why not right now? Like I said, somebody has to pay the utility bills, etc. My husband is currently recharging his batteries, i.e. not working. We will reopen our little business once home and he will start earning again. Right now, I might need to make some money.

What do you think? Do you simply start being a writer or do you need a longer process to become one?

Progress Report

1. Own and live in a house.

Didn’t practice living in a house, still in this murky apartment. Didn’t earn anything for our own house either. Sunday, funday, run day.

2. Write AND publish a book.

I didn’t write. Yet. But kept listening/reading Gaudy Night, an old-school (academic) detective fiction. It doesn’t read quick, but I do see its importance.

3. Win a major race.

A good long run. 20 km. 5.01 min/km. A rest week/easy week ahead.

Photo of the Day


We were both knackered after our long runs and decided to take a short nap… turned out to be more than an hour. So, the second walk of the day was done in the dark. Went to the beach again.


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