Wow, it has already been more than 10 days. Where does all this time escape to? Occasionally, I am worried about time passing by. But then I am also certain that I will do everything I can and lead such a life that my vitality is high even when I am twice as old as now. I want to live a wholesome and healthy lfie and travel and do anything I feel like also when the wrinkles start to show. Yes, please!
As the day (4 August) was spent with a big group of people (15, if you count me in!), I felt familiar stress and exhaustion kick in. Let’s make it clear, I like people, but only to a certain extent. And in certain amounts. I come from a typical family of 4: mother, father, 2 children. Well, it was quite a broken family and my childhood included escaping from home, moving too often, hiding things from my parents, court cases… and a strong will to be independent. I realised I was the only person I felt comfortable with for longer periods. Often, I would take my bicycle and disappear for the day, wandering around in the nature and WRITING. Maybe, this is why I felt the urge to dissolve in books and create imaginary worlds. I have some of the work of my childhood/teenage years printed out. Microsoft Word felt like a pretty awesome thing back then and of course I had to type in my stories. The focus is strongly on utopias/dystopias (I was fascinated by them already back then… later wrote my BA thesis on the same topic), ghosts, magical stories.
I consider myself an introvert. I like spending time with myself. Having been a true self-employed hardcore freelancer who sometimes didn’t get out of her PJs for the entire day, I know it can become suffocating at one point. Ultimately, I do develop the need to see other people, but can go alone for days in a row as well. OK, I have a husband now, but he is quiet and nice enough, it’s almost like being home alone. As I translate a lot, my job allows me the luxury to work, wearing rags or… sometimes almost nothing at all as te weather was too hot to get dressed. The thing is that I like my ME-time, this is when I am at my most creative. I hate group assignments. I started pursuing my 2nd MA degree (partly, just for fun) last year and of course we had some group stuff to do. Frustrating. I felt I wanted to do things differently, my train of thought was heading the other direction. To be honest, we did succeed and my voice was heard. It can happen that in a big group, if there are other dominating people, people tend not to hear me. This is one of my phobias, too: not being heard. That’s why I don’t like big gatherings, I feel uncomfortable if I have to raise my voice. But… in both of the projects I ended up being the one presenting the whole stuff and preparing the slides. In the second, I somehow even became the project manager as no one else seemed to take the initiative and I had clear ideas how something needed to be done. The latter was with some younger students (feel like a semi-dinosaur at the age of 30) who whined how they didn’t have time for some stuff, while some group members were doing triple the work…
I prefer having some people over and preparing them dinner. Big parties, night clubs – ugh, no. Have always hated those. In small groups, it is possible to talk to everyone and this is where I shine. And there is less noise. Less fuss. The more people, the more personalities, the more wishes – and these could be conflicting. That’s why I love travelling with just my husband. I put the plan together, I control everything. I do ask him what he wants, but typically he just says that I am the expert of travelling and just lets me roll. Fine by me. “By the way, in 6 months we are going to Thailand for 3 weeks, just bought the tickets” is not a unusual sentence for me.
Something odd: I actually enjoyed going to burlesque classes and getting naked on the stage with everyone watching. I am not someone to spontaneously shout out loud, but I feel that if it is organised (like a show) and it’s my turn (people are watching/listening/I am being heard), I love to perform.
Let’s keep it short this time, I am tired and the way home (it’s a loooong way). Lots of fuss means fatigue for me.
1. Own and live in a house.
Discussed whether we need a chainsaw to clear the land or not. Maybe. The in-laws have one to offer. Spent time walking outside, barefoot, ate berries, and became surer that we need our own garden soon. Staying in a hot apartment in summer… no-no-no.
2. Write AND publish a book.
Finished the book I had started the night before. Quite interesting style, good pace, but the ending tried to be too clever and twisted. How many times can you twist a twist? Moreover, had my husband read two of those pieces of my own writing that are in my eyes worth continuing. He liked them (how could he not?).
3. Win a major race.
Warm-up training before the race, 7 km on a hilly landscape (oh, the woes of South Estonia!)… but the performance index on my Suunto watch was still 54. For a second day in a row and for a second day ever. This is good.
Photo of the Day
Although this day was all about taking photos (big family photosession with 15 people), the photo of the day is something else, related to the topic. Something that I found on Internet and which describes my phone behaviour just right! The phone rings: panic, panic, panic, who died, what happened, where can I hide myself? If I get a missed call from a strange number, I first Google it, then usually block it, so they couldn’t call again… especially if it some kind of an annoying sales person.