Day 989: Living the Introvert Life

Wow, it has already been more than 10 days. Where does all this time escape to? Occasionally, I am worried about time passing by. But then I am also certain that I will do everything I can and lead such a life that my vitality is high even when I am twice as old as now. I want to live a wholesome and healthy lfie and travel and do anything I feel like also when the wrinkles start to show. Yes, please!

As the day (4 August) was spent with a big group of people (15, if you count me in!), I felt familiar stress and exhaustion kick in. Let’s make it clear, I like people, but only to a certain extent. And in certain amounts. I come from a typical family of 4: mother, father, 2 children. Well, it was quite a broken family and my childhood included escaping from home, moving too often, hiding things from my parents, court cases… and a strong will to be independent. I realised I was the only person I felt comfortable with for longer periods. Often, I would take my bicycle and disappear for the day, wandering around in the nature and WRITING. Maybe, this is why I felt the urge to dissolve in books and create imaginary worlds. I have some of the work of my childhood/teenage years printed out. Microsoft Word felt like a pretty awesome thing back then and of course I had to type in my stories. The focus is strongly on utopias/dystopias (I was fascinated by them already back then… later wrote my BA thesis on the same topic), ghosts, magical stories.

I consider myself an introvert. I like spending time with myself. Having been a true self-employed hardcore freelancer who sometimes didn’t get out of her PJs for the entire day, I know it can become suffocating at one point. Ultimately, I do develop the need to see other people, but can go alone for days in a row as well. OK, I have a husband now, but he is quiet and nice enough, it’s almost like being home alone. As I translate a lot, my job allows me the luxury to work, wearing rags or… sometimes almost nothing at all as te weather was too hot to get dressed. The thing is that I like my ME-time, this is when I am at my most creative. I hate group assignments. I started pursuing my 2nd MA degree (partly, just for fun) last year and of course we had some group stuff to do. Frustrating. I felt I wanted to do things differently, my train of thought was heading the other direction. To be honest, we did succeed and my voice was heard. It can happen that in a big group, if there are other dominating people, people tend not to hear me. This is one of my phobias, too: not being heard. That’s why I don’t like big gatherings, I feel uncomfortable if I have to raise my voice. But… in both of the projects I ended up being the one presenting the whole stuff and preparing the slides. In the second, I somehow even became the project manager as no one else seemed to take the initiative and I had clear ideas how something needed to be done. The latter was with some younger students (feel like a semi-dinosaur at the age of 30) who whined how they didn’t have time for some stuff, while some group members were doing triple the work…

I prefer having some people over and preparing them dinner. Big parties, night clubs – ugh, no. Have always hated those. In small groups, it is possible to talk to everyone and this is where I shine. And there is less noise. Less fuss. The more people, the more personalities, the more wishes – and these could be conflicting. That’s why I love travelling with just my husband. I put the plan together, I control everything. I do ask him what he wants, but typically he just says that I am the expert of travelling and just lets me roll. Fine by me. “By the way, in 6 months we are going to Thailand for 3 weeks, just bought the tickets” is not a unusual sentence for me.

Something odd: I actually enjoyed going to burlesque classes and getting naked on the stage with everyone watching. I am not someone to spontaneously shout out loud, but I feel that if it is organised (like a show) and it’s my turn (people are watching/listening/I am being heard), I love to perform.

Progress Report

Let’s keep it short this time, I am tired and the way home (it’s a loooong way). Lots of fuss means fatigue for me.

1. Own and live in a house.

Discussed whether we need a chainsaw to clear the land or not. Maybe. The in-laws have one to offer. Spent time walking outside, barefoot, ate berries, and became surer that we need our own garden soon. Staying in a hot apartment in summer… no-no-no.

2. Write AND publish a book.

Finished the book I had started the night before. Quite interesting style, good pace, but the ending tried to be too clever and twisted. How many times can you twist a twist? Moreover, had my husband read two of those pieces of my own writing that are in my eyes worth continuing. He liked them (how could he not?).

3. Win a major race.

Warm-up training before the race, 7 km on a hilly landscape (oh, the woes of South Estonia!)… but the performance index on my Suunto watch was still 54. For a second day in a row and for a second day ever. This is good.

Photo of the Day

 

Introverts-hate-phone

Although this day was all about taking photos (big family photosession with 15 people), the photo of the day is something else, related to the topic. Something that I found on Internet and which describes my phone behaviour just right! The phone rings: panic, panic, panic, who died, what happened, where can I hide myself? If I get a missed call from a strange number, I first Google it, then usually block it, so they couldn’t call again… especially if it some kind of an annoying sales person.

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